Ariana Newhouse

Ariana performs standup comedy wearing a "World's Greatest Dad!" t-shirt. The stage background is a purple and pink mural of Indianapolis

Ariana Newhouse is a writer and comedian obsessed with the inner and outer worlds of women. She’s heavily influenced by her corn-fed, blue-collar upbringing. And a true eldest daughter, she is inspired by her three younger sisters and the women who raised her.

Ariana (Ari, if you’re friendly or lazy) writes for the stage, page, and screen. A since-viral standup routine landed her a finalist placement in Helium Comedy Club’s Funniest Person in Indiana Contest in 2021. Her weekly newsletter, RESPECTFUL SMARTASS, was named a Top 25 Humor Publication on Substack in 2022. Her comedy pilot SELFHOOD placed in the 2023 and 2024 Austin Film Festival. And she was named an Emerging Artist for the 2024 SF Sketchfest as a standup. Most recently, she was named a 2025 Humanitas New Voices Fellow for her sports dramedy pilot THE WHIRLAWAYS.

Ariana began her career copywriting for legacy media at the USA Today Network and went on to create for techy big boys like PayPal, Google, and Salesforce. Her copy has earned Gold and Silver American Advertising Awards, so even the corporate bros agree she writes a mean sentence.

She graduated magna cum laude from Emory University with a BA in English & Creative Writing. There, she served as Editor in Chief of the university satire magazine, The Emory Spoke. Ariana also ran four years of varsity Track & Field. She broke school and conference records in the 400m dash, and she was totally cool and chill about it when her conference record was broken after eight years. Okay, girls’ girl! Ariana earned five NCAA All-American Awards and plenty of lingering aches and pains. 


If you’d like to read any of Ariana’s work, book her for an upcoming show, or hire her for copywriting services, drop her a line at ariananewhouse1@gmail.com.